Pet Peeves

I used to think I only had one pet peeve, but in the last couple of days it has been brought to my attention that I actually have two. 

It infuriates me to no end when I get interrupted, and has for years. You ask me a question, I’m answering, cut me off; sweet, I guess I’ll just go fuck myself. If I’m telling a story (maybe you were there) and you just finish the story for me, or worst yet, tell me how it ends. Right on, I don’t know why I even started talking in the first place. Or even a general conversation and you have blatant disregard for what I’m saying and show zero interest, cut me off whenever you like. Deadly.

This has always bugged me to no end and shows me a tremendous amount of disrespect.

‘Why did you ask in the first place?’ ‘My opinion doesn’t matter.’ ‘Right on, I’ll just go fuck myself.’

I like to ask people what their pet peeves are from time to time; usually when you are first getting to know someone. I find that the answer can be very telling into a person’s personality.

Adlai Stevenson, who was a United States Ambassador to the United Nations at one time, said, “You can tell the size of the man, by the size of the thing that makes him mad.”

This has always hit home to me as I find that things that make people mad these days are so. fucking. trivial. When people respond with traffic, or lineups, or rotting fruit in the fridge they never ate, I just have to smile because in the grand scheme of things, to me these are so minor. There are children who go to bed hungry, there are dads who struggle to find work, there are mothers who are abused to protect their children; everyday. That red light you hit, and are going to hit tomorrow, and the next day, and six months from now, minor. However, when someone responds to the aforementioned question with an answer that goes beyond a minor inconvenience, I pay attention. Answers that affect character, ethics, values, the economy, global affairs, etc. I enjoy people who can look beyond the scope of their everyday inconveniences. I enjoy people with depth. 

Similar but not congruent; I am a self-proclaimed nomad and lone wolf. One of the characteristics of these titles, is that I don’t really hear from anyone, ever. And vis-versa, I don’t reach out as often as I should or could. I tell people I don’t have a lot of friends, I just know a lot of people. The usual response is, “Well Tyler, you could have a lot of friends if you just reached out.” True, very true statement. Here’s the catch. I am an introvert, via my own knowledge and various ‘tests’, and one of the quality’s that you inherit when you’re and introvert is that you recharge by having alone time. I work in a field where my days are long and down time is scarce, you can see how much more I value my time. I also have very little time and/or patience for small talk. Which brings me to this point, and subsequent pet peeve. Because I never reach out or hear from anyone, when I do, I’m either usually excited to hear from someone or I very much value you as a friend, so I’ve reached out. I get it, we are adults living in a fast-paced society, so when I or someone takes the time to call or text I usually (sometimes naively), think it must be super genuine.

I can remember vividly in my mind my mom teaching me about how to have a conversation. Yes, I just said how to have a conversation. It amazes me how many people don’t know how do to conduct themselves in a proper two-way conversation were both people feel valued. Mom told me as a young tyke that conversations are a two-way street, and that when someone asks me a question, it is polite you ask the same question, or something similar to the one that was asked you, in return after your response. For example,

“How are you?”

“Good, and yourself?”

“How is that new job working out?”

“Long explanation, and how is your job treating you these days?”

“How is husband/wife?”

“Really good, thanks (possible longer explanation). How is your husband/wife?”

To me this seems like basic conversations. Some of you may laugh while I your read that, but it is absolutely astonishing how many conversations I have that are a like this. People love to talk about themselves. I read a book once, many moons ago, How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, maybe you’ve heard of it. One of the biggest insights that I took from that book was, encourage people to talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves; it’s kinda funny actually when a book about human condition, that was written almost a hundred years ago, is still so so relevant. Lots of people I feel would argue that they are not like this, but if you tape a conversation that they have with their friends, many would soon realize that in fact they rarely show interest in what the other party has to say.

Which brings me to my story and the realization that in fact I actually have two pet peeves.

I hold the people who I would consider friends in very high regard as stated before my time is valuable and if I want you in my life it is because I think highly of you. I got a call from one of these guys just last week. Someone who made an impact on me within a week of knowing them. Legend status. Super pumped to hear from him, hadn’t talked in months. So he calls, I’m excited, ask him about his job and his long-term girlfriend; they just had a son, so I ask about him as well. I’m happy to hear that his career is going well, making more money, wife and son are both well. But before he could reciprocate the question(s), he delivers this pitch about some on-line investing that I should just be a part of. For a small monthly fee, I can be a part of this, compound-interest, global community, were I can earn money every day.

Well. What. The. Fuck.

Maybe this guy does have my best interests in mind, and he is selling the holy grail of getting rich quick, but holy fuck, where is the human connection?!

So that. That is my second pet peeve.

1)getting interrupted

2)one-way conversations

Both scenarios make a person feel less-than and de-valued.

So please, take this into consideration the next time you are having a conversation with anyone. Maybe you are feeling marginalized or left out, or perhaps, you are the one who is not making the effort to make the other parties feel valued (maybe you’re not even realizing it). 

Be present. Make everyone feel like a someone.