You can’t have your cake and eat it too. There are two parts to this statement.

First.

I work in oil and gas, and have for a number of years. It is extremely difficult to do much of anything besides work your twelve-hour shift. Even though there is the potential to make a lot more money on non-camp jobs, I prefer to work camp jobs. After a twelve-hour shift, the last thing I want to do is find the cheapest place to stay, cook dinner, make a lunch, get groceries, do laundry, make my bed etc. For me personally, when I work non-cam jobs I also spend a hell of a lot more money (obviously), but when you think about how much you could have saved, it’s mind-boggling. I kick myself every single time. 

Everyone, including myself, always goes into a non-camp hitch thinking, “Imma find a cheap place to stay, and cook all my own meals. Imma find a gym and go every day. I’ll bank so much LOA, it’ll be awesome.” “This time will be different.”  Also, for me personally I think, “Fuck yeah, I’m going to bring all these books and read every night.” For me, by about day five, I’m in the bar after work, I’m eating Tim Hortons for breakfast, I’ve picked up pizza the night before so I have some leftovers for lunch, so I don’t have to make one, and I’m sure as fuck aren’t hitting the gym every day or reading. I’ll tell you that for free. And I’ve been doing this for a lotta years. Every hitch is the same. I’m well rested, I’ve gotten into the routine of gyming hard and reading, and every single fucking time I think this is just going to continue; this time will be different. 

Non-camp, fat fucking chance. For anyone who has never worked a labour job, outside for twelve hours a day, multiple days – if not weeks, in a row, it is extremely difficult to keep the ‘home routine’ up – you know what I mean. I have had significantly more success in the gyming and reading department working camp jobs. When you don’t have to worry about cooking a square meal, and the gym is just down the hall, your/my success rate has a much better chance. Sometimes I decide to skip breakfast, (when I’m on night shift), and head straight to the gym.

Once I’m finished at the gym, say 8:30am, usually the breakfast hours are over, but I can still go into the lunch room and get a half decent something to eat. Eat in my room, shit, shower, and shave, and still be in my, made for me, sheets tucked in, bed by 9 – 9:15am. I have NEVER been able to do that in a non-camp job. The getting something half-decent to eat after the gym seems to be my biggest hurdle. Plus, when you do eventually make it into your bed after a shower, it’s unmade, and there is just something that is not that comforting/appealing about that.

And for me, wanting to read and possible write sometimes as well, there simply isn’t enough hours in the day. It’s one or the other; not both. Either you’re in the gym or you are reading. In the gym or are writing. Reading or writing. I choose to go to the gym more often than not for a variety of reasons. I go to the gym, even back home, more so for my mental health rather than getting in shape. Being physically fit is just the by-product of going to the gym for me. I crave/need the natural endorphins of working out and listening to music. I also need to be in the right head-space to write, and sometimes even to read. Not to mention peace and quiet. These things take a certain level of mental capacity, that quite frankly, sometimes I don’t have after working a twelve-hour day in minus 30-degree weather; or plus 30-degree weather for that matter. So, quite often I neglect my ‘brain’ workouts and just hit the gym; only to half-ass kick myself later for not diversifying my ‘workouts’.

Now I would consider myself to be a pretty driven guy, and so when I say I’m going to do something I do it – for the most part; camp makes it a lot easier. Lots of guy over years have said, “Oh yeah, imma go to the gym every day.” “Did you see the camp has a gym, are you going to go?” Or they find out I’ve been going, “What time do you hit the gym bro? I’ll meet you there.” I don’t need to go to the gym with anybody, I just go. I’ll tell them what time I go or the routine I have, and I always say I’m going whether you’re coming or not. You make time for what you want in this life. If you want to go to the gym after/before a twelve-hour shift outside, you’ll make the time. If you don’t want it that bad, you’ll make excuses. It’s that simple. Nine times out of ten, I never see anyone. 

But everybody, and I mean everybody has a point. A breaking point, burnout, whatever you want to call it, but everybody’s got a point where they are completely over it. For twenty days, a guy can stay fairly regular – for the most part. It’s when you start getting into the five-six, eight-nine week hitches, that your body, mind, and motivation are just done; well for me anyways. 

I’ve lived this lifestyle, I know what it’s like, I’ve crossed paths with many, many a people and I find it completely humorous when people down south, from back home, tell me that if they worked in this industry that they would be different. They would go to the gym every day, they would keep their six-pack, they’d eat right; yadda, yadda, yadda.

Bitch, you’ve never worked a twelve-hour shift in your life. Bitch, you’ve never worked a labour job in your life. Bitch, you’ve never worked more than five days in a row; eight hour shifts, INSIDE!!! And you’ve got the balls to tell me that you’re the anomaly?! 

Settle down.

As I stated before, I’d like to think I have I high self-drive, but you know, nobody’s perfect, and there is always going to be somebody out there better than you. However, in all my years of working in this industry, I have only ever met one dude that was more self-disciplined than I was when it came to the gym. This nigga would eat clean, crush the gym EVERY FUCKING DAY, and to top that all off, the sick cunt would also do cardio. Yuck, like seriously, what kind of sick cunt does cardio?! Keep in mind, this is after a twelve-hour shift. He was welder, deadly dude, always into trying all sorts of different things too. He’d mix up his workouts, change muscle group days, try intermittent fasting, the whole nine-yards. Like, I’m telling yeah, this guy was a straight savage. Plus, did I mention, the sick cunt would do cardio every night?! Wash it down with a chicken and veg dinner?! Every day. His name was Simon. Guy was a legend. But as I was stating before, in all my years of working in this industry, I’ve only ever met one Simon. Everyone else has talked a big talk but has never walked the walk like Simon, or Tyler. So, when a clown from down south suggests that they will be the anomaly, I just chuckle to myself. 

You can’t have both, it’s one or the other. If you want to make savage money, you’re going to have to sacrifice some things. I understand that you have a six pack and go to the gym everyday while working your 40 hour a week job. But, the reality of this line of work is that you aren’t going to eat as clean as you should, you aren’t going to get the proper amount of sleep every night, and you’ll be struggling to find the energy and motivation to crush the gym like the savage you are when you work in oil and gas. I’ve filled in on a lot of rigs, met a lot of hands in my day and been inside many a camp gyms, and rarely do I see another soul in there. AT BEST you might be able to maintain what you’ve got. 

There’s only ever been one Simon…

Second.   

Now, this point has become less prevalent in recent years, but has shown up in a slightly form in recent years. When you’re younger working in this industry, early 20’s, a lot of friends will say, “I wish I had your money” or “It must be nice having all that money.” Something to that effect. No one really seems to remember you haven’t been around for three or more weeks. There are sacrifices that you make so you can line your wallet more than most at 21, 22, 23 years old. Nobody ever mentions how they missed you at the last birthday party, or Halloween, or whatever the occasion of the month would be, but they sure as fuck will tell you how deadly it was. Now in more recent years those comments seem to have subsided; I would think for two reasons. One, when you’re a young dude with lots of money, you spend it, like a wild man on days off, and so friends see this and get jealous. Two, now that my friends and I are in our thirty’s, we are a lot more responsible with our money – less ‘showing off’, and most of my friends have been the broke college students already, and now have stable careers with a good, stable income. 

However, it’s the friends who have worked in this industry, that no longer due, where the jealousy seems to be coming from in recent years. It’s not a secret that these jobs can be isolating and extremely hard on relationships. The couples that I know, were a least one person works in oil and gas, they live in the area, Fort St. John, Grande Prairie, Edmonton, etc., to make the relationship successful. Maybe one of them is from that area already or maybe they are both from down south, whichever. But as the relationship develops the strain on these types of jobs become a little much. At least one of them becomes sick of the cold/lifestyle and wants to move back home(south), maybe kids are involved at this point so some help from the grandparents would be of some assistance. Eventually, the strain becomes too much, the long distance is too much, and so he quits. No harm, no foul, and I get that. I have often thought about how difficult it would be to be in a serious relationship works these long hours so far away from home; especially if kids were involved. Now this is the kicker. IT’S THESE GUYS that are now making comments about how they could be making oil money, or at bare minimum they wish they could. Well fuck man, you made your choice. You wanted to get laid on a regular basis, you wanted to have kids; now the wife doesn’t want you away from home anymore, which, to be honest, is more than fair, so you got a job down south. It may not be as much money, but at least you’re home with your wife and kid every night. Like what could be better?!

So again, you simply can’t have your cake and eat it too.

I think lot of us, including myself, want results, and we want results now! The old saying ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, is so fucking true. Good things take time. Everything will fall into place in due course. However, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. And nobody seems to want to do that. Especially in our social media culture, all we ever see are other people’s highlight reels. We never see what is going on behind the scenes, or what it took to get there. Fuck yeah, I’d love to have a six-pack, I would love to have shared-experiences with someone I love, but for right now, I’m making a lot of money, and I’m choosing to do that. I recognize what I’m giving up so that I can do that. In the same breath, I’m trying my best to limit the negative impact on other aspects of my life by going to the gym as much as I can, and reading and writing whenever the mood strikes me. But for people who have never do this before, to tell me that if they came up here, which by the way, they never do, that they would do all of these things; try working up here first and then tell me how many extra-curricular activities you’re doing after work. Same goes for the guys that used to work up here; bro, you still could be, but you made the choice to get shacked up, have some kids, and move back down south.

You simply cannot have your cake and eat it to; at least in my experience.

It’s one or the other. Life requires sacrifices.

Well I guess now that mom and I have been to Mexico two years in a row, it would be appropriate to draw some comparisons. What I liked, what I didn’t like, etc. Observations.

I’m going to write parts of this as if you have never been to Mexico before, as well as, tips I think are worth noting.

Last year we stayed at a place called Barcelo, in Ixtapa and this year we stayed at Royal Decameron, in Puerto Vallarta. Both I believe are chain franchises. Barcelo is a ‘hotel’ and Royal Decameron is a ‘resort’. 

I’ve been to Mexico a number of times however, last year was my first time staying at an all-inclusive that wasn’t a ‘resort’. When you book these things pay attention to how the name is worded. I’m sure your travel agent will tell you, but based on time constraints and seeing as I work out of town and that mom booked both of our trips, I was only able to judge where we were staying based on the name. Last year after mom booked us in, and I read Barcelo Hotel, and instantly commented as to how I’ve never been to an all-inclusive that was worded as a hotel and not a resort. In her experience with all-inclusives, she had never been to a resort, they always been hotels, and seeing as she had been to this particular Barceló before she said, “yeah man, it’s a hotel.” Weird. I was apprehensive, but it actually turned out pretty good, better than a resort, IMO.

First things first, if this is your first time booking an all-inclusive it is imperative that you know once you touch down in Mexico, NOT TO TALK TO ANYONE in the airport. After you are through customs, first you’ll notice the heat will hit you like a tidal wave but more importantly there will be 100,000 people will be yelling at you inside the airport after your long trip, to suck you in. Where are you staying? Insisting on talking you. Honestly, it can be overwhelming. Do not be fooled. Do not listen or trust these people. They will charge you for transport and are only interested in selling you subsequent ‘services’ like timeshares and shit you don’t want. Continue walking outside and find someone holding, usually your airline, sign. Sunwing, AirTransat, etc. Find that guy, say you booking name, and he will direct you to a coach style bus that will take you directly to your resort, free of charge. This is what they mean when they say “hotel, flight, AND TRANSFERS” when you book and all-inclusive. Don’t get sucked into the tourist trap as soon as you land. Trust the process. Walk through all the clowns in the airport and find your shuttle/transport outside. 

Resorts are far bigger than a hotel. There will almost always, be multiple ‘dorms’ or sleeping quarters, not everyone will be located in the same building. This subsequently results in more pools, restaurants, and bars. More walking too, unless you are lucky af to get a room close to the beach, then be prepared to walk. I guess this would be an appropriate time to mention, much to my surprise, I had actually been to Decameron Resort in Puerto Vallarta about eight years ago with an ex-girlfriend for a wedding. I now think because we were a part of the wedding, we were given a room that looked out over the ocean and was very close to ‘everything’. Due to excessive drinking and our location I only ‘discovered’ parts of the resort during the last couple days of my first stay. This time however with mom, we were in the back forty. Not that this was a bad thing, but because we were so far away we got to become familiar with more of the resort. These resorts are usually fucking huge, take the time to become familiar with all there is to offer early in your stay so you can utilize, or at least have an idea if you want to utilize all of the amenities. 

With that being said when you show up, you will be told that the following day you have a meeting with so and so from the company that you booked you package with. This is not a scam and they, for the most part, aren’t trying to sell you anything. GO TO THIS MEETING. It will usually be at 10am at a general location, ie) the discotec, and there will be everyone who showed up on your flight at this meeting. The representative is going to tell you all about the resort, nightly entertainment, booking a- la-cartes, the city you are in, activities that are popular in the area, etc. This is a tremendous way to gather general information from someone you can trust. I for one, am not that interested in activities outside of the resort, they’ll give you a booklet anyways, that you can leaf through at your leisure. I usually don’t stay for that part, but DO NOT FORGET to go to this meeting. I have forgotten in years past and have deeply regretted it. Try not to get overwhelmed with the excitement of your vacation and all the ‘free drinks’ your first night, and when they tell you on the transport to the resort about the meeting, set your alarm on your phone right then, you’ll be thankful you did.

I don’t want to come across as a pretentious fuck, but because I have some ‘backpacking’ experience, and maybe because I work away from my home, I have zero interest in doing anything outside of the resort. I want to do nothing. Read my book, walk on the beach, have my food made for me so I can eat whenever I want, etc. With that being said if you don’t travel much or have never been backpacking I would highly suggest leaving the resort or hotel. You’ve come this far, you may as well spend a day or two seeing the local town, because what you are going to see in your resort is going to be fairly ‘western’ and not a good representation of all that the country you are in has to offer. From the aforementioned meeting and booklet you get on the first day, you can get an idea of what ‘activities’ you might be into. I would also recommend befriending people in the resort and seeing if they have done any of the activities or gone into town. This is the best way to gather valid, honest, and resent information about good restaurants, fun activities and things that are going on in and around the town you are located. I get the feeling that a lot of these resort towns in Mexico recognized that a lot of their business is generated from tourism, so taking a taxi is no big deal. They usually have a fixed rate to go to different places near your resort, so they aren’t going to fuck you, and there is no reason to haggle – which is nice. He, or she, might even have some good advice about the local services. If you have some time, and are a little bit more adventurous, I would recommend taking the local transportation. These developing countries have very good public transportation. They are extremely fun, and unbelievably cheap. You’ll think you got to your destination for free! Plus, it is a true and honest look into the local way of life. And yes, they are safe, put your big girl panties on and try it. Only if you have the time though, it won’t be much much longer but it will be longer than if you took the bus. 

With all of that being said, if you do decide to head into town, I would recommend cutting your wristband. I consider this to be a ‘pro-tip’. When you first check into your hotel/resort the front desk person will put a plastic wrist-band on your wrist. You have to wear this for the duration of your stay and it is to indicate that you belong there, and can eat and drink there, etc. Everything is ‘free’ after all and they can’t have randoms coming up off the beach, helping themselves to free food and drink. As I stated earlier, these towns recognize that a great portion of their revenue comes for tourists, so they will be safe; however, there is are downfall, North-Americans stick out like a sore thumb and you will be hounded to buy shit. When you head outside of your resort and into town to explore, that wrist band on your wrist will be a DEAD GIVAWAY, and you will be hounded more so than a North-American who say has rented an Air B&B and won’t be wearing a wristband. I suggest cutting or breaking it off in your cab on the way to town, put it in your pocket, and once you return to the resort, simply tell front desk that it broke. This will save you a little bit of a headache in my opinion and you’ll be able to explore and enjoy your time in town a little bit more. 

Another pro-tip, GET UP EARLY!! and ‘reserve’ the lawn chairs that you want to sit on later in the day. I don’t give a fuck if you’re hungover, haven’t been to bed yet, whatever, DO THIS!! Everyday! You can always go back to bed for a couple hours, go get breakfast, what-have-you. They are going to tell you that this isn’t allowed but everyone does it. If you do not do this by, imma say 8:30am, you will be looking like a lou-dogg and kicking yourself because all the good spots on the beach and by the pool will be taken. Most people lay hotel towels over the chairs they want or lay books or sunscreen down; things you can afford to lose. Nothing worse than paying all that money, and traveling all that way to have a less than ideal spot for relaxing all day. The small sacrifice of, setting an alarm if you have to, and getting up early to make sure you have the spot you want for the rest of the day is very minor. I don’t give a fuck how hungover you are. 

As far as the differences between Ixtapa and Puerto Vallarta, this is where some of my observations.

-The lawn chairs in Ixtapa were better. Some lawn chairs at these resorts are a tan or blue cloth and some are white plastic. The lawn chairs in Ixtapa were tan cloth, this allows for your fat ass to sink into them a little better. The white ones are fairly hard and uncomfortable. Many people in Puerto Vallarta were buying air-matrasses at the hotel corner store to put on the hard-white chairs. Our asses got used to it, so we never bought any but it was noticeable; especially one the first couple of days. 

-I like walking on the beach and do so almost every day while I’m on vacation. Again, the bay, and subsequently the beach, I thought was better in Ixtapa. The bay seemed to be significantly smaller and shallower, which allows for are harder packed beach. I found myself having to time my walks with the tide in Puerto Vallarta. If I did not walk the beach as the tide was going out in, my feet would sink a little too far into the sand for my liking. I walk so that I can think, but I found that when my feet were sinking into the sand my mind was focusing on walking more than I wanted, and subsequently I would get frustrated and not think. I’ve read that there have been studies on this, so I know you might think I’m crazy, but there is an element to truth to my craziness. Also, because the bay in shallower in Ixtapa the beach is a little flatter and not on such an angle; makes for easier walking. And finally, I found that there were more clusters of pebbles in Puerto Vallarta than in Ixtapa. This to me is minor, and if you stay at your hotel beach you won’t see this. Hotel beaches are pure sand.

-I found the hotel staff to be quite a bit friendlier in Ixtapa and opposed to Puerto Vallarta. I think this was in relation to hotel vs. resort. In a hotel, it seems a little bit more intimate, where a resort is quite a bit larger and therefore more people. This is in no way the fault of the staff. In a resort, I’m sure the training is slightly different when it comes to dealing with the public. The resort seemed to have quite a bit more North-Americans, and truthful, we can be arrogant picks. I’m sure they are told to talk to us a little bit less and quite frankly, simply dealing with that amount of people day in a day out, it would get exhausting. I worked in the service industry for a number of years and it could even get on my nerves from time to time. But as someone who knows a little bit of Spanish, I like to practice whenever I can, and look forward to sharpen my skills when I head down south, but I felt like there were fewer staff willing to engage me in conversation in Puerto Vallarta.

-Mom liked the food better in Puerto Vallarta. Like a fool, I/we, missed the meeting they give on the first day of your trip in Ixtapa, and therefore missed how to book the a-la-cartes. Clearly we could have asked, but for some reason we never did. I get up early every day and so in Puerto Vallarta a couple of times I would wait in the a-la-carte line in the morning to book us in, so we had a number of order-off-a-menu type dinners. Now I’m not sure if she liked the food better simply because of that, I think she really liked the buffets they had too. Whereas I was indifferent; Ixtapa was good, Puerto Vallarta was good, I’ll eat anything.          

-As stated earlier, a resort is going to be bigger, and we were placed in a fairly far away building from the beach and dining areas. I didn’t mind this but I think mom didn’t like this. Minor but it is something to note.

I think those are most of the things I found significantly different between the two places. I preferred Ixtapa and Barceló hotel better, whereas mom preferred Puerto Vallarta and the resort style better. It completely comes down to personal preference, whatever floats your boat, but you won’t know until you try.This is just a foot-note, and I’m not sure if this is a pro-tip, or pet-peeve or what but, in my opinion, you should try and learn the local language. I’m not saying full sentences but at least basic phrases, like hola (hi), Como estas (how are you), gracias (thank you), etc. I think we should at least try when we visit other countries, and I find that the locals appreciate the effort; they deal with a lot of ignorant clowns throughout the day. Plus, you’ll look like less of a tool if you try and they can see you’re putting in the effort; at least in my experience anyways.

I am a die-hard advocate and believer in the Canadian oil patch. 

One of the most common complaints, or ‘down sides’ of this industry is the misconception of transferable skills. I had a conversation with a very good girlfriend of mine just last week, that made me ponder (yet again) the life skills that are learnt through this industry that I think sometimes get overlooked. 

I’ve known a few people in recent years that are completely disgruntled with their chosen career. Either they have a degree that they don’t use, are in a field that they don’t use their degree in, or feel completely unappreciated in their chosen line of work. Now I’m not saying getting a post-secondary education is a waste of time or money by any means. In fact, I wish I had a post-secondary education of my own. However, one of the ‘skills’ I have learnt in the oil industry is that nothing is forever and it is always ok to start over.

We have cultivated a culture in the western world that places so much value on structure and security that I find most people are afraid of change. The only constant in this world is change!

Most of my friends have job security in a pension, health care, well-paying salary, steady paycheque, etc., and so they feel stuck in this world that they feel they just can’t leave. Plus, I would argue that there has to be some sort of pressure or stigma that would come from family and friends, maybe even themselves, as to the very thought of leaving a career that they have invested so much time and money into would be such a faux pas. Common complaints I hear, “I feel so overwhelmed”, “my work-load is too big”, “I have too much on my plate”, “I feel underappreciated”, etc. Or vis versa, “my job is so boring”, “I’m not feeling stimulated” etc. We spend about a third of our adult lives at work, and god only knows how many hours we sit and stress about work related matters outside of work. I couldn’t fathom staying at a job where I uttered any one of the above statements.

Now in the oil industry, everything is volatile. You’re told on the phone by the office that you’re heading to this rig, in this city, to work this position, for x number of days; this is the tool push’s number. Rarely, if ever does it actually work out like that. You very-well will start on that rig and “it has lots of work”, and “you have a full-time spot here”, only for the rig to shut down a week later. Again, you call the office, because you’ve only worked two weeks and you’re 1000km’s from home. They send you to another rig, another city, a new crew, etc.

And each time you ask yourself these questions, How do I find the rig? Is it camp or non-camp? If non-camp, where am I going to stay? Hotel? Room for rent? Apartment? What am I going to eat? Am I going to cook? What is the rig like? Is the tool push a dick? Are the boys going to like me? Questions like that come with uncertainty, nerves, but they also, over time, build confidence and problem-solving skills. Sometimes you find yourself asking those questions two, or sometimes three times a month. It can be stressful, and at times can be overwhelming. 

I didn’t realize it at the time, but to me they have become invaluable life skills.  

I’ll be the first one to agree and admit, that humans are creatures of habit. Mom says I have ‘Cadillac taste’ and that I love to ‘spread out’.  Which it true, I enjoy my space, everything has its spot. I enjoy the comforts of home. I have been reflecting on my time working the rigs, weighing the pros and cons, what I liked and what I didn’t, what I will miss and what I won’t. One of the things that came to me during this thought process was how comfortable I have become being uncomfortable. How comfortable I’ve become trying new things. This really came to the forefront the other day, during this conversation with a girlfriend of mine. As long as I’ve known her, she has always expressed an alarming, let’s call it, discomfort, with her job. She is one of a few I know in this boat, but for her especially, she ticks off all of the aforementioned discomforts with a ‘secure job’. Overwhelmed, underappreciated, etc. She has and does express her concerns with management, it’s not like she is a total pushover, but when does enough become enough? I would have left long ago, no questions asked; even if I had my masters…

But wait, if I had my masters, I would have spent a lot more time in school, a lot more time in this secure job, which may or may not be all I’ve ever known. I wouldn’t have the exposure to the volatility of trying to find my next paycheque, place to live, working and making ‘new friends’ with all kinds of different guys. Not just men mind you, fucking rig hands. Hard mother fuckers. 

So you see, some of my friends have ‘really great careers’ with a pension and health benefits and job security; you know, all the bells and whistles. While some of us are rig hands, labeled and judged, for various reasons; one of them being our ‘lack of transferable skills’. I just have to smile and grin to myself because every night of my rigging career, I’ve gone to bed happy.

I mean this in no disrespect, these are just my observations.

I used to think I only had one pet peeve, but in the last couple of days it has been brought to my attention that I actually have two. 

It infuriates me to no end when I get interrupted, and has for years. You ask me a question, I’m answering, cut me off; sweet, I guess I’ll just go fuck myself. If I’m telling a story (maybe you were there) and you just finish the story for me, or worst yet, tell me how it ends. Right on, I don’t know why I even started talking in the first place. Or even a general conversation and you have blatant disregard for what I’m saying and show zero interest, cut me off whenever you like. Deadly.

This has always bugged me to no end and shows me a tremendous amount of disrespect.

‘Why did you ask in the first place?’ ‘My opinion doesn’t matter.’ ‘Right on, I’ll just go fuck myself.’

I like to ask people what their pet peeves are from time to time; usually when you are first getting to know someone. I find that the answer can be very telling into a person’s personality.

Adlai Stevenson, who was a United States Ambassador to the United Nations at one time, said, “You can tell the size of the man, by the size of the thing that makes him mad.”

This has always hit home to me as I find that things that make people mad these days are so. fucking. trivial. When people respond with traffic, or lineups, or rotting fruit in the fridge they never ate, I just have to smile because in the grand scheme of things, to me these are so minor. There are children who go to bed hungry, there are dads who struggle to find work, there are mothers who are abused to protect their children; everyday. That red light you hit, and are going to hit tomorrow, and the next day, and six months from now, minor. However, when someone responds to the aforementioned question with an answer that goes beyond a minor inconvenience, I pay attention. Answers that affect character, ethics, values, the economy, global affairs, etc. I enjoy people who can look beyond the scope of their everyday inconveniences. I enjoy people with depth. 

Similar but not congruent; I am a self-proclaimed nomad and lone wolf. One of the characteristics of these titles, is that I don’t really hear from anyone, ever. And vis-versa, I don’t reach out as often as I should or could. I tell people I don’t have a lot of friends, I just know a lot of people. The usual response is, “Well Tyler, you could have a lot of friends if you just reached out.” True, very true statement. Here’s the catch. I am an introvert, via my own knowledge and various ‘tests’, and one of the quality’s that you inherit when you’re and introvert is that you recharge by having alone time. I work in a field where my days are long and down time is scarce, you can see how much more I value my time. I also have very little time and/or patience for small talk. Which brings me to this point, and subsequent pet peeve. Because I never reach out or hear from anyone, when I do, I’m either usually excited to hear from someone or I very much value you as a friend, so I’ve reached out. I get it, we are adults living in a fast-paced society, so when I or someone takes the time to call or text I usually (sometimes naively), think it must be super genuine.

I can remember vividly in my mind my mom teaching me about how to have a conversation. Yes, I just said how to have a conversation. It amazes me how many people don’t know how do to conduct themselves in a proper two-way conversation were both people feel valued. Mom told me as a young tyke that conversations are a two-way street, and that when someone asks me a question, it is polite you ask the same question, or something similar to the one that was asked you, in return after your response. For example,

“How are you?”

“Good, and yourself?”

“How is that new job working out?”

“Long explanation, and how is your job treating you these days?”

“How is husband/wife?”

“Really good, thanks (possible longer explanation). How is your husband/wife?”

To me this seems like basic conversations. Some of you may laugh while I your read that, but it is absolutely astonishing how many conversations I have that are a like this. People love to talk about themselves. I read a book once, many moons ago, How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, maybe you’ve heard of it. One of the biggest insights that I took from that book was, encourage people to talk about themselves. People love to talk about themselves; it’s kinda funny actually when a book about human condition, that was written almost a hundred years ago, is still so so relevant. Lots of people I feel would argue that they are not like this, but if you tape a conversation that they have with their friends, many would soon realize that in fact they rarely show interest in what the other party has to say.

Which brings me to my story and the realization that in fact I actually have two pet peeves.

I hold the people who I would consider friends in very high regard as stated before my time is valuable and if I want you in my life it is because I think highly of you. I got a call from one of these guys just last week. Someone who made an impact on me within a week of knowing them. Legend status. Super pumped to hear from him, hadn’t talked in months. So he calls, I’m excited, ask him about his job and his long-term girlfriend; they just had a son, so I ask about him as well. I’m happy to hear that his career is going well, making more money, wife and son are both well. But before he could reciprocate the question(s), he delivers this pitch about some on-line investing that I should just be a part of. For a small monthly fee, I can be a part of this, compound-interest, global community, were I can earn money every day.

Well. What. The. Fuck.

Maybe this guy does have my best interests in mind, and he is selling the holy grail of getting rich quick, but holy fuck, where is the human connection?!

So that. That is my second pet peeve.

1)getting interrupted

2)one-way conversations

Both scenarios make a person feel less-than and de-valued.

So please, take this into consideration the next time you are having a conversation with anyone. Maybe you are feeling marginalized or left out, or perhaps, you are the one who is not making the effort to make the other parties feel valued (maybe you’re not even realizing it). 

Be present. Make everyone feel like a someone.   

My name is Tyler Gnitt, I am fom Britsh Columbia, Canada. I feel like I’ve tried my hand at a fair number of things in my short 32 years, both in my personal and professional life. I like to try new things, think deeply, better understand myself and the world around me, and how it works. I take great pride knowing that my friends and family often turn to me for perspective and advice. I’ve often been told that I’m a good writer and have been wanting to start a blog for as long as I can remember. Mostly becauase I enjoy writing and want to practice the craft, as well as, getting my ideas down on paper. This will be more of a published journal than a blog, but follow along if you’d like. Any feedback, good or bad, would be greatly appriciated. Much love. Tyler.